Well, Its New Years Eve and things are pretty rough.
Ive been trying to remain optimistic about things but today has just been one of those days.
It started off ok, like most days do. Then i just keep feeling like there is something i should DO. Of course there isnt really anything I can do right now that im not already doing.
My stress levels lately have been at an all time high. Panic attacks are more frequent and seem more severe. When I go out I feel like people just know that I have HIV. I know they cant. It just feels that way.
I bounce around from anxious to angry to exhausted constantly.
I put up a good front around my family. Im the care giver, the support or "rock" for our family. Especially my mom, so it wouldnt do to show weakness in front of everyone.
I've been trying to do the right thing lately. I started on a vitamin regimen. Been looking into an exercise program too. It jsut doesnt seem like enough.
I've read where people start taking control of their lives and start putting themselves first. I have no idea how to do that.
I have a few goals I think will help me in the coming year.
1. Take my meds on time and dont miss doses. Not HIV meds, but meds for other things, havent started those yet.
2. Eat a more well ballanced diet.
3. Start a good exercise program and stick with it.
4. Continue with Therapy.
That all seems pretty do-able. I dont see why it shouldnt be at least.
My boyfriend and I have a few projects were planning on working on this year and I'm actually looking forward to them.
We're actually putting in a new breaker box and replacing the old "Fuse" box YAY! We're gonna run quite a few new electrical outlets too.
We started building a shed this summer and im looking forward to seeing it finished.
I keep telling myself that if I focus on all the things that are good in my life that this one part, HIV, wont seem quite as unbearable.
I want to live a normal life. and maybe, just maybe, Im begining to realize that i can still have that, even with HIV.
I've went through ALOT in my life. Its never been easy. I've dealt with adversity since i was old enough to know what it was. I guess I just have to look at this as another hurdle, something that I CAN overcome.
I want this new year to mean something to me. I want it to truly be a new begining.