Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Glimmer of Hope

Its been a while since i've posted anything.  So,  i figured it was time.

Things have been up and down lately.  I retested for HIV  and of course it came back positive.  I guess i was kind of hoping that there may have been a mistake.

I guess that kind of made me lose alot of hope for a while.  Things felt sort of "final". I have HIV, ill never be rid of it.  I guess right now im working on accepting that. Its not easy and some days i want to scream and cry but,  Im moving forward.

Thats what its all about now.  Moving forward. Its easier said than done.  Some days i just want to lay down and die, but i cant.  I push and scrape along but I do it.

Im still scared.  I dont want to get sick.  I dont want to die. BUT  I also realize that everyone gets sick  and everyone eventually dies.  Its no different for me than it is for anyone else.

I started chatting in a chatroom on yahoo  HIV/AIDS.  The people there are nice.  ITs nice to talk to people like me,  people who act jsut like everyone else in the world.  Its nice to know that life goes on and things can be normal.  Life is what you make of it.

Its only 7 more days till my appointment with the hiv specialist.  Im nervous but ready to see him. Being well informed is half of the battle.

I am STILL waiting on the packet they are supposed to send me.  I dont know what the deal with that is.  Im going to call them later today to find out.

Thats really all i have now. Ill update more later


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